There is something.
Something I want to tell you. I want to tell something, something I don’t want to share. Something I keep my ears closed to. Something, something that, if I write it down, becomes more and more physical. Something that I can no longer repress, that I can no longer brighten up. Something that is the truth, no more lies and no more modified tales.
I want to tell how it all started and how it ended. I would like to tell you about the green meadows and the rising into the silence. I want to tell you about everything that I have lost, about everything that is wrapped in darkness.
In the beginning, everything faded into a grey tone. There were simply no more colors left. There was no black, no white, no red and no blue. There was no green and there was no purple. There are simply no more colours left. There is only this greyness that runs through the days, unwavering and constant. The air, she is grey. The chairs, the glasses, the clothes, the faces they are grey. Everything is a sequence of grey tones that merge only to turn grey.
In the beginning everything blurred into silence. Amidst the numbness of feelings. The feelings that I thought did not exist. Cannot exist. They represent only a fragile construct, for this particular state of temporal existence. They just swallow a wording. Because there is the silence that surrounds everything, that hides everything, that envelops everything in wadding, that suppresses everything. Everything that matters so much doesn’t exist, isn’t real. I saw nothing, everything was grey, hidden and veiled.
I would like to finally see this undistorted, colorful reality in the midst of the gradated gray. I would like to understand how it is connected, how the reality became distorted and turned into a no man’s land.